Ask A Therapist: How Can I Stop Seeking Validation and Start Trusting Myself?
Building Self-Worth and Cultivating Inner Confidence
Published on
Feb 4, 2025
Recognize the Source of Your Validation-Seeking Behavior
The first step is understanding why you seek validation in the first place. Is it because of past experiences, societal pressures, or fear of rejection? Identifying the root cause can help you understand that seeking approval is often an attempt to feel safe or accepted. Acknowledging this allows you to begin shifting toward internal validation.
Often, seeking external validation is tied to a lack of belief in your worth. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re not enough or that your opinions don’t matter, you may feel the need for others to affirm you. Start by challenging these negative beliefs. Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on fact, or is it just an assumption?” Replace these thoughts with more affirming and realistic ones, such as “I am worthy just as I am” or “My feelings and opinions are valid.”
Develop Self-Awareness
Building trust in yourself requires developing self-awareness. Spend time getting to know your values, needs, and desires. Journaling, self-reflection, and mindfulness practices can help you connect with your inner voice. The more you understand yourself, the more confident you’ll feel in your judgment and decisions, reducing the need to seek approval from others.
Focus on Internal Validation
Start practicing self-validation by acknowledging your feelings, accomplishments, and experiences. Instead of waiting for others to praise you, take time to recognize and celebrate your achievements. For example, after completing a task, instead of waiting for external praise, tell yourself, “I did a great job on this” or “I’m proud of myself for making progress.” The more you validate yourself, the less you’ll feel the need for external affirmation.
Image courtesy via Lummi
Seeking validation often leads to compromising your own needs in favor of others' opinions. Learning to set healthy boundaries is essential for trusting yourself. This involves saying no when needed, expressing your feelings honestly, and protecting your emotional energy. Boundaries help you build a sense of self-respect and trust, knowing that you value your own needs.
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